aneh... hari-hari belakangan ini aneh...

my condolence for sheila, for her father has passed away... may his soul rest in peace...

hari-hari belakangan ini aneh...
it seems like my world keeps on disappearing but then appearing, on and on...
pijakan gw goyang-goyang gak nentu.
susah untuk senyum.
narik nafas pun kerasa sesek.

ga betah di oz, ga betah di kos-an, ga betah dimana-mana...
pengen pergi yang jauh, dimana ga ada orang yang kenal gw, even itu cuma sehari dua hari... aduh, kayaknya gw mulai bosen sama apa yg gw jalanin saat ini... uuurrrggghhhhh... please someone, get me outta' here!!!

horny??? huhuhu...

wajar deh ah... namanya juga manusia normal.. minggu2 abis "dapet" pula... hahahahha...

Who will give you an orgasm? by leslie13
Name
Age
Virgin?
So, who will make you moan?	Your Soul Mate
How?	Magic! Kaboom!
Will it be good?	OH YEAH.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

huaaa... i hope my soulmate is near enuff to fulfill my desire ;p

gw sakit (jiwa)!!!

Insanity Test
Username
Age
Your problem is	Schizophrenia
Will you ever be cured?	(8) - My sources say no. - (8)
Just how crazy are you? - 50%
This Quiz by insanitydefense - Taken 191103 Times.

New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

have u ever... (3)

been in love, so in love with someone?

saking in love-nya, kamu yang gak pernah nglukis, tapi tiba-tiba bisa nglukis saat kamu kebayang senyumnya dia...

saking in love-nya, kamu yang gak puitis, tapi tiba-tiba secara otomatis terangkai kata-kata indah saat kamu inget dia...

saking in love-nya, kamu yang lagi sakit, tiba-tiba ngerasa sehat karena ditelfon dia...

saking in love-nya, kamu yang rakus, tiba-tiba makan kerasa ga enak karena tau dia belum makan...

saking in love-nya, kamu yang super hemat, tiba-tiba ngabisin uang stengah juta cuma buat beli parfum dia (biar bisa nyium baunya dia kapanpun kamu mau)

saking in love-nya, kamu yang gila tidur, tiba-tiba kebangun jam stengah lima subuh tanpa alarm karena inget dia harus bangun subuh...

saking in love-nya, kamu yang selalu ceria, tiba-tiba jadi sedih karena tau dia lagi gak enak hati...

...

saking in love-nya, kamu yang workaholic, tiba-tiba gak bisa ngerjain apapun karena kangen dia...

saking in love-nya, kamu yang workaholic, tiba-tiba selalu liat jam (udah jam 5 belom sih?) supaya bisa cepet-cepet ketemuan sama dia...

saking in love-nya, kamu yang workaholic, tiba-tiba mampu berbohong sakit ke kantor supaya bisa jalan-jalan seharian sama dia...

...

saking in love-nya, kamu yang cinta banget sama tempat kamu tinggal, tiba-tiba berpikiran pindah kota cuma untuk bisa lupain dia...

...

saking in love-nya, kamu ga bisa apa-apa kecuali mikirin, apa jadinya kamu tanpa dia... (egois kah? so what???)

...
...
...

have u ever... been in love, so in love with someone that much?

...

saya belum... (saking in love-nya, saya yang biasanya cuma suka ngeles, tiba-tiba bohong sebohong-bohongnya...)

have u ever ...(2)

...made-belief that you're in love to someone, only to get rid of your actual feeling for someone else...

you were too afraid to let yourself so fall deep in love, coz u know, it's kinda' impossible to make it real...
then u find a distraction, to other person, who has more possibility to make it real...
if u ever... it feels not right, ehh...
it's just bullshitting yourself... then u'd regret...
regret coz u'd never know, what if u let it out... what if u let yourself fall in love... what if.. what if.. what if...


well my friends... i have... and it felt so bad...
i'm about to find distraction, to make-belief that i'm not in love, that it's fine to live without his existence, that it's ok and everything will be alright...


parah... ga enak rasanya... selalu ngerasa gak secure, selalu ngerasa dijauhin (padahal kita yang menjauh), selalu ngerasa gak diingini... parah lah... sama aja kayak ngebunuh perasaan secara pelan-pelan... dan akan terus ada pertanyaan "kenapa???"

the bright light and U

(gara2 dengerin koleksi ph oldiesnya oz!)
pheeww...
jammed and empty city streets, everywhere i block my eyes, always hoping to see U
hot humid day, dry cold nite, everyhug i place myself into, always hoping and make-belief it's U
hot cafe mocha, mocca latte and ice-caramel latte, every sip i swallow, always hoping to taste U
walking, driving, working, daydreaming, smoking, sleeping, everything i do, always hoping it's a de-javu with U

(sbenarnya ini gw tulis kapan tau, maybe a week a go, tapi baru ke-post skr... udah expired sih..)

ga puguh!

seharian ngerasa ga puguh!
seperti yg gw tulis di previous post, gw ngerasa kayak semua yang gw rasa, sinar mataharinya, anginnya, bau-bauannya, segalanya, kayak jaman dulu... even dahak batuk gw (yukkkhhh), suara bindeng gw, musik yang diputer kemir di ruang sebelah... dinginnya tangan gw, damn! kenapa gw harus pake wangi2an ini sih??? beda nama tapi baunya ampir sama! uuughhhh....
semuanya ngingetin gw sama waktu gw masih tinggal dan kuliah di jatinangor.. i really hate the feeling!
langsung telfon ke salah satu teman calon psikolog (ciyeee, deehan!)
katanya... "gw lagi ngerasa gak enak, gw belom sembuh bener. sebenarnya gw punya option untuk ngenakin hari ini, tapi karna gw harus kerja, jadi gw maksain, dan gw gak suka sama keadaan ini.
badan gw sebel, juga pikiran dan perasaan gw... makanya hal ini ngebawa gw ke situasi di mana gw ngerasain ke-gak enakan itu di masa lalu... jadinya, mungkin ke masa jatinangor itu..."
pheewww... hebat.. padahal gw ga pernah bilang ke dia kalo masa-masa gw tinggal di jatinangor itu salah satu moment penuh kegakenakan!
damn it! ada yg ngerokok dan... campuran aroma rokok dengan angin yang ada di ruangan ini cuma ngingetin gw sama siang-siang sepi ga penting di kamar gw di jatinangor...
paraaaahhhh.... am i going insane? ato gw cuma kangen doang sama satu masa dimana gw masih muda? hauehaheuaa.... dasar ga penting???
ps. sebenarnya gw mau bilang, gw masih muda lagihhh.. tapi ntar ada yg protes lagi.. capek gw diingetin udah tua, hahahahaha...
(ketawa fake! speaking about fake, baca artikel di blogspot teman saya, buddy, keren! http://valiantbuddy.blogspot.com/2004/07/fake-faking-being-faked.html)

obsessed?

intermezzo...
hampir selalu terjadi abis gw sakit!
it's dejavu! bukan dejavu biasa, tapi it's like i'm going back to the past...
the sunlite, the wind breez, the scent, even the songs... how people act, the words they say... it's so creepy!
i'm freaked out!
dan yang paling nakutin, yang gw rasain skarang adalah sinar matahari, hembusan angin dan bau-bauan jaman gw masih kost di jatinangor or way back to my jr. hi-school moment... yaiiikkksss...
Uhhh noooo.... i need to find a huge distraction to get back my today!
ps. liat friendsternya amanda dan ronald, ngenes abis...

if you think about them all the time.

if you get jealous when they flirt with other people.

if they're depressed or having a bad day, then you feel depressed too.

if you dont talk to them or see them for one day you get depressed and lonely.

if you would go out of your way to make them happy.

if you think up excuses to call them at night.

if they're the only person you ever think of.

if you feel that they are the only person you could ever be completely happy with.

if you get butterflys in your stomach every time you see them.

if you think about them while laying in bed.

when your walking next to them you "accidently" let your hand brush against them.

if you go to events just so you can see them.

if you make up silly nicknames for him that no one would know who you are talking about.

if you just feel better when their around.

if you say their name outta nowhere when you weren't even talking about anything that would pertain to him.

if you find you're way to always somehow be near him.

if you hate his girlfriend/crush even if she is the nicest person you could ever know.

if you would drop everything you're doing to be with him or do what he wants.

if everyone knew that you were crazy for him.

if you call someone else his name.

song of the day

i'm gonna love you
big cheese all star 1999

i’m gonna love you...love you...love you just a little more...
i’m gonna need you...need you...need you just a little more...
i’m gonna want you...want you...want you in every way...

give it up...ain’t no use.
i can help myself if I’d wanted to.
i’m hung up...there's no doubt.
i’m so in love with you.
for me...there’s no way out.

bcoz...deeper and deeper...
to feel your lips upon my face.
sweeter and sweeter...
eager and eager...yeah (i'm gonna love u love love u)
please me don't tease me

hold back knowin...
this time it looks like love... is here to stay.
as long long as I shall live.
i'm gonna give you love and all I have to give...

i'm an assh*le, so???

your asshole.


What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

if i was an assh*le, doesn't make u one as well right?
if i was an assh*le, would u still be a friend of an assh*le?

reality bites

reality... that's what we should be facing... we can't hide from reality, if we do so, what kind of person we would be?

...
maybe what i'm doing right now is hiding from reality.
i'm blinded myself from the reality. i might be living in my own fantasy.

you know what, my friends...
i feel something that i've had lost once. maybe i looked tough back then, i did cry but then i covered it up with laughter.
now, the time is kind to me. i got it back what i've lost before. i wanna embrace it, i want to hold on to it and won't let go, yet...
maybe it's just for a while. like my friend said, either i'd realize it's wrong or him who feels so.
i kinda mixed up here... sometimes i wanna ask the up above, what's wrong with my life? can i just have what other people have? a normal life? but i was too afraid to ask the up above that question. it seems like i don't cherish my life...

my friends... i've tried and still am... to have a normal life.
i'm not defending, but i can't fight this feeling i have right now.
i feel alive... so alive... my life is full with smile, i have the feeling that brightened even my darkest hour...
...
my friends, i promise you all... i know it only leads me to misery... next time i'm down, i won't take you there... i'm gonna face it by myself...

my friends... thank you for being there for me... love u all...

pilihan kedua

pernah ngerasain? jadi pilihan kedua? cadangan? ban serep? second choice karena the first-nya ga bisa? ga terlalu diharepin tapi dari pada ga ada sama sekali...
kalo pernah, boleh tau ga rasanya kayak apa? terus apa yang dilakuin? apa yang paling jadi masalah?

apakah kecewa karena kita cuma jadi pilihan kedua?
apakah terhina karena kita bukan yang utama?
atau
bersyukur karena kita masih dapet kesempatan untuk membuktikan bahwa kita juga bisa?

apakah jadi pilihan kedua itu hina? memalukan? nurunin harga diri kita? bukankah dalam hidup akan lebih enak kalau ada beberapa pilihan? apakah kita harus jadi yang utama terus?
...
buat kita yang mungkin jadi pilihan kedua, semoga Tuhan memang merencanakannya dan semoga pilihan kedua itu akan menjadi utama seterusnya...

call me JULIA...

She doesn't know what it's all about,
She doesn't seem to care at all,
Open your eyes and see, love hurts,
Julia please, open your eyes and see
Julia wants to be on here own,
Sharing her thoughts, she is all alone,
Dreaming of the things she wants to be,
Where Julia don't belong
julia says - wet wet wet

isn't it scary... when i thought the happiness is in my arms,
then i realized that my happiness is my worst enemy...
a friend, a really good friend once told me to stop flyin' and
get back to the earth.
one that hit me the most is when she said, "just be a
normal person for this time."
...
well, i'm looking for a eternal happiness... i have to admit
that most of my happiness wasn't long enough to stay...
in fact, they've left sorrow and never looked back.
it leaves something in my mind... what should i do then?

when i sense the air of happiness, should i pass it by or
inhale it even after that gotta exhale and suffocate?
do i have to deny the sparks? do i have to keep it inside?
can i just try and taste? can i just have the smile tho'
temporarily? what if it's a real thing? am i gonna just lose
it? how am i supposed to know it's surreal when i pass the
chance to find out?
...
my friend said, "you're desperate, you're lonely, you're not
in control."
i didn't admit, but i might be.
i'm desperate coz i feel something so enermous.
i'm lonely when i had to live without it in my head.
i'm not in control coz the more i control it, the caotic things
buzzing.
...
am i fooling myself?
... (i'm dying to live without you, again)...

sunday, the fun day! (tho' today isn't that fun...)

ga tau kenapa, menurut gw, hari minggu HARUS fun! apapun yang dilakuin, pokoknya harus FUN aja! Biarpun itu cuma tidur, beresin kamar, ato malah ada kerjaan yang harus diberesin, pokoknya harus kudu wajib ada unsur FUN! Misalnya...

tidur... tidur gimana yang fun. Tidur ditempat yang menyenangkan, ato pas bangun tidur somethin' fun waiting, uhm.. boleh juga sih ditemenin sama siapa gitu yang fun juga ;p

beresin kamar! wuahhh... biarpun capek dan bikin bersin buat gw karna gw alergi debu, gw akan selalu mendukung acara bersih2 itu dengan ke-FUN-an! Puter lagu favorito keras-keras, sapu-gagang pel dijadiin partner joget... sing along like noone cares... huuhuuuuuy... asik!

nah, kalo harus kerja... at least temenin diri kamu sama hal2 menyenangkan, kayak musik yg tepat, minuman kesukaan... ato kalo ga bisa, beres kerjain itu semua, manjain deh diri kita sama hal yg menyenangkan!

hhhh.... hari ini gw ga terlalu ngerasa fun... maybe coz "my sunday" isn't feeling good. Uhhh.. i need my sunday back soon!!!

and the BIG Question been asked...

pernah kepikiran gak, suatu hari, seseorang akan bertanya satu pertanyaan BESAR yang kita sulit ngejawabnya... apapun itu pertanyaannya...

contoh:
1. (pertanyaan dari mama papa) kapan kamu mau nikah? (untungnya mereka BELUM nanya ;p)
2. (dari orang yang suka ke kamu, tapi kamu gak suka ke dia) kamu mau gak jadi pacar aku?
3. (dari temen2 maen lo) eh, lo udah pernah "begituan" belom?
4. (dari orang yg kamu sayang) kamu udah pernah... -terdiam sejenak- uhm... ngelakuin ini sebelumnya?
5. (dari orang yg kamu sayang) kapan? sama siapa? kenapa? kamu sayang aku gak sih? kok kamu tega? (pertanyaan tiada henti ;p)

hm... gak semua pertanyaan menyediakan jawaban yang memuaskan... gak semua pertanyaan memiliki jawaban yang bisa diterima orang... gak semua pertanyaan - mau kita jawab...

terus, kalo kita kena pertanyaan itu, enaknya gimana ya?
1. jawab jujur (pheew...)
2. boong (pheew, ini lagi, makin belibet ga sih?)
3. jawab jujur tapi ga smua dijabarin deh (uhm, kata laen "ngeles"!)

apapun cara yang diambil, kayaknya kalo itu kejadian sama gw, gw akan ngefilter siapa yang bertanya... pantes ga dia kita jujurin, pastes ga dia kita boongin, pantes ga dia kita ngelesin?

jadi lebih mudah kan?

tapi... filternya pake apa?
selain otak kita yang harus mikir cepet, rasain juga getaran yang ada di hati kita, dengerin apa katanya... biasanya sih, hati ga pernah salah... biasanya loh...

bukannya ngajakin kamu untuk gak selalu jujur, tapi... hidup makin keras, teman... gimana kalo kita usaha melunakkannya dengan cara ga terlalu membuka aib yang ga perlu ;p

huah, kok jadi ngaco yah? tau ah... gilaaa, udah jam 3 subuh, kunaon soca abdi cenghar keneh???

btw, happy bday ariegato ;)